IRONY OF LOVE

-tell me what do you think

loving the right person at the wrong time,

having the wrong person when the time is right

and finding out you love someone right after

that person walks out of your life...

and sometimes, you think you're already over a person,

but when you see them smile at you,

you'll suddenly realize that you're just pretending


to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that

they will never be yours again...

for some, they think that letting go is one way

of expressing how much they love that person...

in my opinion, some are afraid to see the one they love

being held by someone else...

most relationships tend to fail not because

the absence of love. love is always present.

it's just that one was being loved too much and the

other was being loved too little...

as we all know that the heart is the center of the body

but it beats on the left. maybe that's the reason

why the heart is not always right...

most often we fall in love with the person we think we love

but to only discover that for them

we are just for passing time. while the one who truly

loves us remains either a friend or a stranger...

so here's a piece of advice;

let go when you're hurting too much.

give up when love isn't enough.

and move on when things are not like before...

For sure there is someone out there

WHO WiLL LOVE YOU EVEN MORE..."

Grievance of a Broken Heart

PAGE 1-a maritime cadet's story

When was love supposed to make you cry?
I look to the heavens and asked them why
But they don’t whisper a single phrase
And I’m left wandering in a daze
I thought it was love but it couldn’t be
Because there’s just too much pain inside of me
When was love supposed to hurt so much?
Wasn’t it all about yearning for their touch?
Instead I fear of what you might say
I think about the possibilities every day
I just get this feeling that it’ll come crashing to an end
It’s a feeling that seems to grow stronger when I see you again
It isn’t just fair because certain words just make you cry
I try to just let them slip but some keep replaying in my mind
And each time I hear them the feeling gets worst
And I’m struck with the notion I am under a curse
Was I ever meant to be loved by somebody who will care?
Or am I just an object to be used since I’m there?
I wished these questions can be answered but they never will
Love is something I wish I could just kill
Because it hurts too much to hold on with all my might
Thinking you may be with somebody else tonight
And it tears in my heart and eats me from within
Why did I have to want you more than a friend?
Was I an idiot to think it could work?
I feel it since I feel like a dirt
I felt like there was something, like I was the one
But surely the lies were still here to come
And one after one, they cut at my heart
Until it was broken and torn apart
How much pain can a person take?
Fell in love with nothing but a fake
A person I wanted and made perfect in my mind
But this isn’t a love that could ever be mine
I should have never believed the words that were said
Or the dreams and the desires that danced in my head
What could we call this? A game of pain?
A game that is not a romantic dance in the rain
Instead I was struck with the cold hand of reality
And everything that I wanted was nothing but a fantasy
That could never become true because this is how it goes
This is the story that everyone knows
When was love supposed to be so confusing?
Filling you with hatred and abusing
People took advantage of your tender heart
Until you have no idea where you wish to start
I just want to run and cry when I heard what might be
And I know deep down inside that broken hearted one is going to be me.

Crazy Kid’s Dream

Page 2-a maritime cadet's story

LOVE…What does this really meant? This four-letter word was so overused nowadays that it almost became a cliché and at times it usually lose its essence. In fact, I myself became so addicted to it that I always fall and stumble. This is, arguably, the inspiration behind much of the most enduring and effective works of art ever created, be them literary, visual, cinematic or musical. It’s also so ingrained in the collective unconsciousness that one almost feels an innate obligation to feel it at one time or another. Such thing is like this:

Once upon a time there was a guy
Who didn’t find love cause he didn’t try
He saw people’s lives and relationships too
And he decided to attempt something new
He decided to see if he could wait
For the perfect person to ask on a date
To wait for that perfect person that he could see
Who’s everything he wasn’t and wanted to be
Not just a person that he thought was sweet
But someone who’ll make his life complete
Someone kind, inspiring, honest and true
Someone he would believe if she says “I love you”
So the years went on and as time went by
It got more difficult, he really had to try
But he knew at the time that if he would just wait
For the perfect person not just good but great
He’ll be happier than he ever thought he could be
But as time went on it got more difficult to see
“Why do I have my standards so high?”
“How will I know what true love is if I don’t even try?”
He began to ask himself nearly every night
If this whole thing was even worth the fight
He struggled and vented at the time to his best friend
Who happened to be a girl that was a mistake in the end
Every night she knew more of this crazy kid
Who wanted true love more than anyone did
He began breaking down nearly settling for less
He almost went out with this girl he could second guess
They just said they liked each other and kept it at that
They chose to keep the rabbit inside of the hat
But then someone came and cared for him like no one ever did
He wasn’t used to it and slowly he slid
He got in too deep with a girl who in the past
Never had feelings for someone that would last
He wanted the real thing while she did not
So she found someone else that hurts him a lot
He thought it would take forever to heal from the pain
But a girl came in his life that washed him like rain
He then wondered why he nearly settled for less
And didn’t just wait for the very best
This girl very quickly became his best friend
And he wanted to be with her ‘til the end
As time went on and as their friendship grew
He knew he found the one he could say “I love you” to
They’re still best friends don’t get me wrong
But there’s something more that makes them so strong
They’re the best combination of friends and lovers
Because of that they know that they’ll always love each other
He doesn’t have to show that his feelings are real
But does anyway ‘cause he likes how it makes her feel
It’s all just so selfless they put each other first
They stay with each other even when they’re at their worst
They know that nothing can tear them apart
Especially not distance ‘cause she lives in his heart
So this crazy kid’s dream finally came true
Now he can say “Clariza, I love you”
So it’s worth the wait for the one who’s meant to be
I know it firsthand ‘cause this story’s about me.

Everything About You

Page 3-a maritime cadet's story

Best friends into lovers… yeah, what a wonderful story? It’s almost the usual happenings that we were almost used to it. Always have been, always will be. Friendship had always been the good soil where the seeds of love were always sown and asked to ripen. This has been where the dreams and hopes were shared, where the likes and differences were known and appreciated. But how does it happen? Is there something you love about an individual?

I love how I remember everything about you

From the first time you said “Hi, how are you?”

And in the parking lot when I was having a rough day

Without knowing anything you helped me anyway

I asked for your email and said I’ll try to mail you

And I actually did and proved my words to be true

And then I asked your friend to give me your number

That’s where it all started, now we barely ever slumber

We spoke for hours every single night

Talking about love, life and how it didn’t work out right

The more time we’re together, the more I knew

That my feelings inside is getting deeper for you

And it took us so long just to say what we meant

And in your “dog analogy” the message was finally sent

Since then we’ve only grown to love each other more

And all my life I’ve never been more sure

About the way I feel when you look up and I see

The most beautiful girl with eyes saying that you, too, love me

And now I know I love you in every way

More than I think the words can say

I love that when you let down your hair

The smell of your shampoo fills the air

I love the way you laugh and I love the way you smile

And the way that it makes my life seems worthwhile

I love the way you called me Blue

I love how you don’t need make up, and all I see is you

I love how I feel every time that you’re near

I love that when I’m with you I have no doubt or fear

I love the way that you brightens up my day

I love that I found you more than words can say

I love that you are my first everything

First love, first kiss, first to write a song for and sing

I love it when you say “I love you”

I overflow with happiness and say “I love you too”

I love how it doesn’t matter what we do

It’s always a great time when it comes to us two

I love how we make such a great team

We’re each others’ better half and I know it will seem

To people around us that it’s too good to be true

But I know it’s the real thing every time I think of you

‘Cause even being apart I know things won’t go wrong

If anything would happen I know it will only make us strong

And I know I have so much more I need to say

But saying why I love you would take more than a day

So I will end this another poem that for you I’ve wrote

Just saying that this is a specific love note

A statement of how I’ll always feel

And another way of proving these feelings is real

I hope you’ll always see that I love everything you are

And no matter where I go and no matter how far

I’ll always be with you deep in your heart

And for that reason I know we’ll never be apart

And if you ever lose faith or question if it’s the real thing

Just look down by your neck and you’ll see my ring

My sign of commitment I have given to you

To hold on to ‘til the rest of me is there with you too

So my final statement to finish all here that is true

Clariza P. Santos, I’ll always be in love with you.

The Proposal

Page 4-a maritime cadet's story

The “ring...?” I think you’ve noticed that there was an odd inclusion of a ring in the latter part of the poem. It was that I have just made a proposal to that girl in which she declined but she taken the ring otherwise. During that time, I thought I’m already ready to take on the marriage and build my own family. I have the means and everything back then, but we were also too young at that time. Fortunately, I was able to accept that fact in the end. This was the proposal:

I treasure so much this love and how I care

I’m pretty sure it can take us anywhere

To the sky, the stars, even the moon

Any moment with you will never end too soon

I promise that I’ll never let you go

Love you like the kind from a picture show

Wrap you in my arms and hold you so tight

Wipe your tears away and promise it’ll be alright

Hold my hand and we’ll run through the rain

Let the people think that we’re going insane

Surprise you with flowers and take you to France

Hold you under a star filled sky and teach you to dance

Always see you in the middle of the crowd

Call out your name, love you out loud

Take you to the scariest place in the park

Whisper the words “I love you” in the dark

Kiss you in public, let everyone stare

Show them how this is amazing but rare

Give you piggy back rides and kiss you on the head

Show that I listen to all the things you’ve said

Just be my princess that’s all that I ask

I’m sure you’ll find that to be an easy task

‘Cause you’re already perfect in all the things you do

That’s the reason why I’m deeply in love with you

And as long as you’re always there for me

I’ll continue what you want me to be

I’ll kiss you every time you walk through the door

Shout out how I love you even more

I’ll stay with you through the good and the bad

And talk to you even if I’m sad or mad

I’ll love you with all my might

And never walk away from a fight

I’ll tell you everything about my day

I will never lie in any sort of way

We will always be an equal team

Your life will be better than your dreams

We’ll travel the world hand in hand

Feel every water, touch every land

And when the day comes that we became one

I’ll smile brighter than the sun

‘Cause there’s nothing better than having you as wife

And waking up with you for the rest of my life

And there’s nothing else I would rather do

Than spend my life forever with you.

Yeah, the marriage did not materialize and we thought everything’s just fine and all will be alright. That’s what we’ve thought but we found later on that we were wrong, so wrong. As time flies by, the relationship got topsy-turvy until the situation got out of hand. That indescribable feeling which was thought to be forever was put to tests, trials and tragedy that that marred the once happy, wonderful relationship that we used to have before. I don’t know who’s to be blame, perhaps it’s me or maybe her. All I know is that both of us were included in that concern and it was our greatest mistake. She has her points and I have mine too.

Whatever Happen

Page 5-a maritime cadet's story

Please don’t make me choose

Between you and what I have to do

That’s definitely the one thing I’m totally out of clue

And consequently the one thing I thought you’d never ask me to

You’re asking me to prove my love is real

And I’m sure I know exactly how you feel

But you don’t understand how much I love you

Just because I’m doing what I have to

If you know that it’s for us then you’d be okay

But I won’t try that again, so anyway…

I trust that I’m doing what’s best for you and me

And I know that it is so hard for you to see

But let me say this, I’ve proven my love before

And every moment of each day I love you even more

I need to cleanse myself from all of my sins

It’s one of the things I need to win

So I can clear everything between us especially the gap

Like I said on this journey, it’s not weak to use a map

It was still your life just with direction

And every now and then we need to have a vision

But no one can talk you into love

You have to want it and fly like a dove

But if you know one thing please know this

I love you like my very first kiss

You’re one of a kind no one else can replace

And I still want us to work even with all this space

But we won’t change not even for the best

Even though my faith and love for you will never rest

It’s just so sad ‘cause we could have it all

And I want to catch you but you’d rather fall

There’s so much chaos that I can’t make you be with me

I just wish there was a way I could make you see

But I’ve tried and I’ve tried and it just doesn’t work

I’m starting to feel now that I’m in a bottle with a cork

I still love you like no one ever before

And despite it all I’m still 100% sure

That if we could just go the exact same way

We’d find ideal happiness but you choose to live just okay

But whatever happens know this is true
You’re my first love, and I will always love you.

And so the relationship ended as it is though we still both know that the feelings were still there. I’ve made a promise to myself that when all I need to do, all of my life-bounded task, is done I will come back for her and that time I will never ever let the two of us be apart from each other again. Unfortunately, I myself broke that promise. I was on the verge of finishing that task when something happened I was not able to foresee which caught me off-guard. And again I have to leave her for that. I was able to seek refuge in this academy to be able to work up on that interference and finally finish what I need to. Yeah, in this academy I was able to find the haven I needed, from the fast-pace life outside the academy walls, I was able to be back on myself again. This has been the break I’ve been wanting so much. During this stay, I have someone outside the academy that was always there for me and I treasure her for that. I don’t really know what I feel for her, but I have a clue that I always see in her my first love. The greatest mistake about that is that I took advantage of her feelings, this time ruining the essence of what love truly is. This has been the greatest mistake of my life.

When the time comes

Page 6-a maritime cadet's story

I hope you don’t think I’m crazy for what I’ m about to say

But I have to tell you now it can’t wait another day

‘Cause before we know it November will be here

And I might be going no longer anywhere near

I’ve fallen for you like I’ve never fallen before

And I don’t think I could be more sure

About the way I feel when I see you smile at me

I know for a fact that we’re meant to be

For some reasons our conversations just never die

And whenever we’re together I can’t help but smile

No one had that effect on me in quite a while

And not to mention the way I feel whenever we touch

I’ve never really wanted to held you so much

It’s the simplest things that you always know what to do

That makes me fall so hard for you

You found the path that leads straight to my heart

And you’ve earned yourself a very big part

I trust you now with every part of me

And I am hoping that you aren’t too blind to see

I love you now and as more than a best friend

And no length or distance could make my feelings end

I’ll wait here forever; I’ll do what I have to do

Every risk is worth it when it comes to loving you

But I need to go for now to secure our future

And prove to myself that I’m now mature

Mature enough to traverse the way of life

Before I can fetch that fruit of yours which is ripe

And when the time comes that I’m finally done with what I have to do

I’ll come back for you and we’ll make your dreams come true.

This event happens during the first semestral break last two years ago. The first time I used those three sacred words halfheartedly. I guess that’s how selfish I really am. I thought that was the right thing to do ‘cause she’s been the one who’s there for me during that sad moment of my life that opened me up to things I never anticipated before. I found out that 2I’m not a true child of the family I used to call my own. I felt bitter about it but because of her I was able then to move on and duly accept that fact. I thought I really felt something for her but it’s all a mistake in the end. Fortunately, I was able to right that. One time when I visited her, I told her that I’m still confused of what I’m feeling at that time and I don’t want to make her expect something from me. I believe she understands that. I thought she would leave me but she instead stay as close as she is. That really caught me by surprise. We’re still friends, no, we’re best friends and I hate telling her about my escapade here in the academy about the new one who caught my fancy. Yeah, I fell once again to the dark pit of love… and this time to someone (can’t be named) that is strictly prohibited… a classmate. It’s on the rules. But that’s not the problem. It’s what can’t happen and me. Most dreams are meant to be just that. Unrequited love is too bad for it sometimes drains the other person. Luckily, I was able to retain some for myself. And I’m so thankful that it did not prosper in the first place for it will only make matters worst. This is due to the fact that something unexpected occurred again.

Giving up the Past

Page 7-a mariime cadet's story

Visions of you brings many thoughts of the past

As the years have gone by so fast

Seems like it was just yesterday when we first met

Now the vision of our love is all I’ve got left

I want to tell you so badly how I feel…

The indescribable feelings are still so real

Yet there are things that hold me back from telling you

For there’s a new lover in my place and he already owns you

I long to hold you one last timeKiss those soft lips that used to be mine

I’d give anything just to rewind

Back when I’m yours and you were mine

Although I know this is wishful thinking

For the love once strong reach its ending

I’m now moving on but still wondering why

Better than before, it was a lot easier to cry

Maybe I have foreseen something like this would happen

And I was able to prepare my heart in the end

Or is it true that what bothers me now is real

That somebody else owns now what I feel

That my affection was bounded to another

But right at this moment, I don’t want to think ‘bout this matter

There’s much more things that are suffocating my mind

And I need to face some while I left others behind

So anyway, I’m bidding my farewell, my last goodbye

Albeit I know this would bring more tears to my eyes

I will move on and I will soon be okay

There’s no need to worry for this is what I have to say

Soon enough I’ll be able to forget the longing

Leaving the past behind us and bringing new memories of meaning

I don’t need to wonder where would we be today

If I didn’t leave you and let us go in separate ways?

I have to let you go now even if it’s easier said than done

Holding on seems more sensible but this is what to be done.

This note was supposedly directed to my first love… yeah my first love, Clariza… one night, I have a dream… about me and my classmate… although unexpected, I’m craving for it so much for this is one of the most wonderful dreams I have so far… the weirdest thing about is that I cried when I was dreaming it although I love it. This might be due to the fact that this is a dream I know that was so impossible to happen in the real world. I was still thinking about this when I remembered that something like this happened before. I cried back then not because that dream can’t happen but because I was not that good enough for the girl before… that was my first love. That’s how I remembered her… I try to contact her and ask how she’s doing only to find out that she was already married… yeah, she was married already. In just a span of one year, she was totally gone from me forever. The hardest thing I can’t accept about that is why not any of my friends, which I asked before to watched for her, told me about this. Another thing is that right now she already had a child and guess what..? The name of the kid carries my name… what do you think will I think? I was totally dumbstruck at that time that I almost hate the world for what is happening to me. My next move back then was telling my classmate that what I felt before for her was only a farce. Because I still felt that my heart still belong to my first love. It’s so weird that when we think that we already love a person it was then that we learned that our heart still belongs to the one we left behind. This move turns out to be easier because I have done already the first move of forgetting what I feels.

Straight from the Heart

Page 8-a maritime cadet's story

I then heard a story straight from the heart

About a boy and how his world began again to fall apart

It started when he thought this girl would finally make his life complete

For just thinking of her made his heart skips a beat

As the weeks passed by, he fell more in love and was less aware

Of how often life turns out to be unfair

Until one day he finally give in

He realized there was no way he could win

He said to himself that he have to let go

Even if he knows how much he loves her so

When he turned around a tear slid down his cheek

There’s no need for word, no need to speak

The next few days were the hardest on his bed

He truly felt that he’s all alone, isolated

His friend pushed in his face how had won

Another said, “I know she’s just another one”

His buddy said, “Come on, you’ll be okay”

While his bunkmate just tried to stay away

At home it was like his family wasn’t even there

None of them seem to really care

His life had no more color, just black and white

Even getting out of bed turned into a fight

Despite his tries things just weren’t like before

Then he decided, “I don’t want to try anymore

At that moment he tried to cut his feelings out

But the more he ignored her the more it began to shout

When he saw her that day, he could no longer just walk by

And before he knew it his mouth opened up and out came “hi”

She looked up and replied his greeting

He just smiled and joined her, walking

Every day they talked a little more

And every day he began to love her a little less than before

As the days passed by, he became more and more aware

About how it’s okay that life is so unfair

Because eventually everything becomes your past

You may not know it but your memories will always last

And with that I hope you see

Not all love is meant to be

Stand tall, hold up your chin

Hold on and don’t give in

And believe me when I say

The right one will come one day

She’ll open your eyes to things you can’t even see

Believe this for this is a midshipman’s story.

Why do we often love people who don’t love us back? Why are we often loved by those we can never love back? Why do we have to fall in love to the right person at the wrong time and why do we fall to the wrong person when the time is right? There’s so much chaos in the world that everything seems wrong, everything is not in their proper place or where they were meant to be. What does this really meant? Why everything like this did happen so frequently?